Carson Owen Kimball

Carson Owen Kimball ('COK') is a deeply brainwashed Moron based in Lehi, Utah. He is ignorant, arrogant, bigoted and in many other ways an appalling excuse for a human being.

Kimball founded the weekly live call-in show "Mormon Talk," which he co-hosted with his life-partner and fellow Mormon racist Brett 'black face' Call ('BOC'). The premise of the show was that the gallant co-hosts help families with their problems. For example, a caller was concerned to find a ouija board in his shed. Carson's solution: the caller should contact a Moron missionary with priesthood powers. Problem solved.

Kimball's misogyny is almost beyond belief but unsurprising coming from a member of a cult founded by Joseph Smith, a sexual predator who forced more than 10 teenagers - some as young as 14 - to marry him. Carson is a distant relative of Heber C. Kimball, a Mormon founder and sexual predator who married 43 women. Indeed sexual predator Joseph Smith married the 14-year old daughter of sexual predator Heber C. Kimball. The Year of Polygamy podcast details Smith's predation. You should listen to it, Carson.

Kimball is most known for his authorship of his spiritual magnum opus, Window To His Love, written and published in 2019. Amongst other nonsense, the book warns about the evils of soy milk. Seriously. Here's a delightful clip from Mormon Talk with a caller talking about how soy ruined his life. Soy inevitably led to drugs, to witchcraft, to the removal of brain cells to build a calculator, etc. Kimball suggested that the caller write a book about his soy-based experiences and his rescue by Mormon Sister Missionaries.

COK and BOC got in trouble on their mission for 'wrestling'. That was one of the many revelations to emerge during a Mormon Talk program break when they forgot to mute their microphones. Indeed one can listen to BOC and COK wrestling on Mormon Talk when they forgot to mute. Brett uttered the words "bristle me down" as Carson lay on top of him, panting breathlessly.

Kimball has severe anger management problems as this clip demonstrates.

Kimball confessed on Mormon Talk that when he is God of his own planet, as per Mormon doctrine, he wants it to be Pokemon-themed. Seriously.

Kimball knows literally nothing about the kinderhook plates - the prank played on Joseph Smith by a neighbor which proved that he was a fraud and a liar.

While "Mormon Talk" was off the air during late April & early May of 2020 (later dubbed the 3 Days & 3 Nights), Kimball also started up a new weekly live call-in show aimed at children and tweens called "Carson's Corner", of which he was the sole founder and host. The show was an epic failure - an apt metaphor for the rest of Kimball's life.

Carson's wife Scarlett divorced him after he confessed to having 'chilli' with 'sour cream' in Fred A. Phillip's 'dutch oven'.

On his mission, Carson used to put down newspaper in the closet to pray whilst Brett prayed in bed. Seriously. Then Carson would come out of the closet.

During episodes of the show Sing Star, in which audience members competed with one another by pretending to sing, Carson would frequently have a table graphic on display that would hide Carson's body from the waist down to the view of the audience members. Having this graphic displayed allowed either Fred A Phillips or Brock N Richards (whichever was not present for that specific episode) to give the other two hosts felatio as the show went on for that evening. One sign giving away that this was going on "under the table" was the many times Carson would utter the phrase "Well wonderful" during the show. This was Carson's incognito way to express his feelings of pleasure and bliss as he had his erected apparatus sucked on by one of his co-hosts.

Carson qualified for Mensa at the age of seven. This clip is a true and everlasting testament to his genius. You're welcome.

Upbringing

Not much is known about Carson's upbringing; all that we know comes from what Carson detailed in his book and in passing comments on the Mormon Talk show. Carson was born to a Latter-Day Saint family in Lehi, UT on October 21, 1995 per his Patriarchal Blessing. He was starved of oxygen at birth, hence his appearance and IQ (in the lowest one percentile).

When confronted with the Burrito Proof -- which conclusively proves that God doesn't exist -- Kimball fumbled the ball. Could God microwave a burrito so hot that even He couldn't eat it? Either He can eat the burrito, in which case He can't microwave a burrito so hot that He can't eat it, or He can't eat it because it is so hot. Either way, His omnipotence is disproven and His divinity is therefore disproven. When asked if God can microwave a burrito so hot that He can't eat it, Kimball said: "Of course he can. God can do anything." Moron.

On July 12, 2020 he tweeted that his birthday was going to be the following day (July 13), precisely four months and 11 days before the birth-date of fellow Mormon, mass murderer Ted Bundy. Bundy was first attracted to Moronism by learning that sexual predator Heber Kimball (43 wives) gave up his 14 year-old daughter Helen to be married to sexual predator Joseph Smith (34 wives).

Carson is the oldest brother with an unknown number of younger brothers, each of which liked to engage in "Rough and Tumble" activities in their youth, as described in the book. Carson talks favorably of his youth, mentioning that he "dutifully strove to develop the thickest skin possible," arguing that "who, if not the oldest brother, would be expected to survey the scene and release their manhood in the face of adversity?" Carson likes to release his manhood in the face of his brothers and his life-partner Brett O'Call.

Patriarchal Blessing
On May 18, 2020, New Name Noah hacked into the LDS church's databases and found Carson's patriarchal blessing. Upon calling in and mocking the blessing, New Name Noah published it to Internet. While we at the Mormon Talk wiki don't support New Name Noah's actions, Carson's patriarchal blessing provides deep, penetrative insight into Carson and have thus taken the liberty to publish his blessing here. The blessing mentions a 'white stone', a throw-back to church founder Joseph Smith who used a stone-in-a-hat for illegal 'treasure digging' activities and later used it to 'translate' the Book of Mormon. Smith was a fraud and Carson Kimball is an ignorant, gullible dupe.